I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
The air was thick with penises
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
