heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
