I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
