Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
