I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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