I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
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