You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
