I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
