He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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