you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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