That's intense
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
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I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
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You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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