Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
