that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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