they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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