bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
