I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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