May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
