HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
