I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
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i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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