Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
