he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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