I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
