well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
