Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
