i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i drank out of a bidet.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
