so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
