well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
