it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Boobs speak an international language.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
