I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
