She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Randomize
