he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Randomize
