i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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