what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
