when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
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