my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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