it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
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