that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
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