Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Moan for me like Helen Keller
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
