I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
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