Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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