I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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