Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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