ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
