Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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