just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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