He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
We're too hungover to prance.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
