a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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