ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
