We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
