Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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