I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
