i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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