my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize