Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
