i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
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I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
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Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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