Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
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