you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize