remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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