can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
