who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I want to be your penis for a week.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize
