party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
