I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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