Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
